Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
