Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
