i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
