He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
