im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
