im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
