I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
