OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
