are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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