Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
