Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
