cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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