you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Four minutes until I can fart!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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