What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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