I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
