I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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