We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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