the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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