Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
