I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
