He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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