last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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