Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
