I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
