a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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