About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You left your phone here
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