I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
