the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wear drunk well.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
