so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
