He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
