WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize