Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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