Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
