I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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