I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
