this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
