When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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