i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
