theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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