If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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