guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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