she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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