you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
