Just fell off a train. Bad.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
