the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
