The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
ok first of all what the fuck
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
