weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
