I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
