Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
