You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
