Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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