the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
