i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
