remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
