I think i peed on brittanys purse
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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