You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
handjob tips. give me some.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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