God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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