I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
